I cut contact with my mother in January 2017. It was a sudden decision, but it also wasn't. I had spent several months (if not a couple years) beforehand learning about emotional abuse by reading books like Will I Ever Be Good Enough by Karyl McBride, Toxic Parents by Susan Forward, and Codependent No More … Continue reading I Said I’d Never Forgive My Mother… But I Have
The magic of surrender, and unclenching your ass
I am really, really good with money. I have paid off lots of debt, negotiated amazing raises and job offers, and succeeded as a freelancer and self-employed coach for the past two years. I am a wizard at budgeting and have helped friends go from zero to five figures in their savings accounts. And this … Continue reading The magic of surrender, and unclenching your ass
Conflict is Trust: Positive Conflict Resolution
Ever since I was a kid, I have been conflict-avoidant. Conflict didn't feel safe, because my emotions were unwelcome and my boundaries were nonexistent. I never saw my parents modeling conflict in a healthy way, and I learned to keep my mood neutral to positive and to avoid adults when they were angry. This is … Continue reading Conflict is Trust: Positive Conflict Resolution
For the People Pleasers who Compulsively Fix People’s Problems
This is a love letter to the saviors, the fixers, the let-me-handle-that-ers, the chronic "yes" people... the people pleasers. I bet you're exhausted. I know I was. The other day, a client of mine (also my bestie, so we talk about a lot of things besides work) sent me a screenshot of their calendar showing … Continue reading For the People Pleasers who Compulsively Fix People’s Problems
Healing Your Inner Child: The Basics
We all have an inner child, the part of us that is still connected to our childhood, upbringing, and the things we learned in our most formative years. Unfortunately, when we were wounded in childhood, those pains and patterns often come with us and repeat throughout our adult life, affecting relationships, work, and even our … Continue reading Healing Your Inner Child: The Basics
5 Things To Do For Your Traumaversary
As we go through our lives after a traumatic event, we may feel like we're over it on the surface, but our body remembers the stress and may repeat it. This can be triggered by the time of year, specific smells, triggering circumstances that remind you of the trauma, and more. This post is about … Continue reading 5 Things To Do For Your Traumaversary
What is Your Responsibility?
You can’t expect someone else to do the work that’s in your own mind. Of course, you can get help from a therapist or a friend or a coach to help you process, but doing the work is on you. All the therapy in the world won't help you if you don't actually dig in and get uncomfortable and vulnerable to do the processing. The flip side is that other people’s emotional processing is THEIR job. You can’t do it for them.
When Art is Your Love Language
When I'm so happy and satisfied and moved and full of love about something or someone, I make art about it. I write poetry or love letters. I paint. I create little cartoon portraits on internet apps. As children and still as adults, long afternoons and evenings were spent with my brother and sister, reaching … Continue reading When Art is Your Love Language
Stop Hustling: Pacing Yourself is Part of the Plan
What makes us launch into the next huge step instead of taking the time to make a plan that makes sense?
Staying Estranged in a Global Pandemic
When Coronavirus made it to the United States, I worried about my dad. He’s a lifelong smoker over 60. But I haven’t checked on him, because my sister and I haven’t spoken to him in over a year. That time has been uneventful, besides us each getting a message from him on Thanksgiving. I thought … Continue reading Staying Estranged in a Global Pandemic