I realized last night that I haven't had to defend myself from inappropriate blame for over two and a half years. Coming off a four day vacation during which I actually rested and had fun, it occurred to me that I am really and truly not the person I used to be. Vacation time used … Continue reading 4 Annoying Truths about Breakups
We all have an inner child, the part of us that is still connected to our childhood, upbringing, and the things we learned in our most formative years. Unfortunately, when we were wounded in childhood, those pains and patterns often come with us and repeat throughout our adult life, affecting relationships, work, and even our … Continue reading Healing Your Inner Child: The Basics
As we go through our lives after a traumatic event, we may feel like we're over it on the surface, but our body remembers the stress and may repeat it. This can be triggered by the time of year, specific smells, triggering circumstances that remind you of the trauma, and more. This post is about … Continue reading 5 Things To Do For Your Traumaversary
Estrangement is a final boundary that many adult children choose to enforce with their parents after a lifetime of not being heard, valued, or respected. It's not a decision that people make lightly or easily — indeed, there are countless barriers to estrangement that come from a societal belief that family is an immutable, infallible bond that can't be broken or ignored. There is no morality in estrangement. Those who can cut off their parents aren't better people with better boundaries. Those who continue a relationship with parents who abused them aren't broken or codependent or foolish for wanting to keep their parents in their life.
What makes us launch into the next huge step instead of taking the time to make a plan that makes sense?
Boundaries can feel scary when you've never had them before. In the past, maybe standing up for yourself felt dangerous.
Boundaries take practice, especially when you have a history of trauma. Being a survivor of abuse can make the inner alarm bells malfunction -- they either don't go off at all because mistreatment has been normalized, or they go off at the slightest whiff of something that reminds you of a past traumatic experience. This … Continue reading Practicing Boundaries After Trauma
When I turned 25, I made a five year plan. Become debt free and a mother by 30, in April 2018. I am now 31 and neither of those things happened. In fact, as 30 approached, I was facing a lot of other huge life circumstances. In August 2016 I got married and immediately started … Continue reading There’s no timeline on healing or love
I recently did something that I thought would be silly, or selfish, or outlandish. I wrote a manual on how to love me. It gives the basics about me and my background, includes a list of my favorite things, discusses how to best communicate with me, describes how I interact within each of the five … Continue reading How to ask for the love you need
In March 2018 I left an abusive marriage and entered into a new phase of life: the casually slutty phase. My dating app profile included the line, “I am dedicating 2018 to non-monogamous exploration.” I had my first one time hookups, met my first friend with benefits, and soon met my first long-term partner after … Continue reading The healing power of non-monogamy