Ever since I was a kid, I have been conflict-avoidant. Conflict didn't feel safe, because my emotions were unwelcome and my boundaries were nonexistent. I never saw my parents modeling conflict in a healthy way, and I learned to keep my mood neutral to positive and to avoid adults when they were angry. This is … Continue reading Conflict is Trust: Positive Conflict Resolution
I have a hard time with boundaries, rejection, and balancing my desire to be liked with my desire to be myself. When I notice that I'm censoring, editing, and polishing a post to perfection — a post for my friends to read, no less — it's a surefire sign that I'm putting too much energy into being … Continue reading What Do We Owe Our Facebook Friends?
This season of the Run Like Hell Toward Happy podcast is about halfway over, and we've covered six HUGE beliefs taking up a lot of space in your life, for better or worse. Any belief is, effectively, a story you tell yourself. And one that you can rewrite to your liking — even if it's … Continue reading 6 Beliefs You’re Allowed to Change
Love is one of the most important things in life. It can also be one of the most difficult things to feel safe asking for, because it requires so much vulnerability and risks rejection. Throughout my life, I've had to really figure out how to ask for love and hold my standards and boundaries, rather … Continue reading How to Ask for Love (and Receive It)
We procrastinate productively, because saying yes to doing the dishes or another load of laundry is ALWAYS going to be something we can argue is more important than our creative goals, rest, or play. So it's time to be more decisive about what we say yes and no to.
You can’t expect someone else to do the work that’s in your own mind. Of course, you can get help from a therapist or a friend or a coach to help you process, but doing the work is on you. All the therapy in the world won't help you if you don't actually dig in and get uncomfortable and vulnerable to do the processing. The flip side is that other people’s emotional processing is THEIR job. You can’t do it for them.
Being labeled as gifted and talented often leads educators and parents to expect that these children will be good at anything and everything. But giftedness and talent doesn't work like that, and just because these students can do something doesn't mean they should have to master it.
Boundaries can feel scary when you've never had them before. In the past, maybe standing up for yourself felt dangerous.
Boundaries take practice, especially when you have a history of trauma. Being a survivor of abuse can make the inner alarm bells malfunction -- they either don't go off at all because mistreatment has been normalized, or they go off at the slightest whiff of something that reminds you of a past traumatic experience. This … Continue reading Practicing Boundaries After Trauma
When you're deeply committed to someone, the end of that relationship can be devastating. Whether it's a romantic relationship, friendship, or even removing a family member from your life -- breaking up is hard. But it doesn't mean you've failed at anything. I reject the notion that a relationship that doesn't last a lifetime is … Continue reading A breakup doesn’t mean you failed