This season of the Run Like Hell Toward Happy podcast is about halfway over, and we’ve covered six HUGE beliefs taking up a lot of space in your life, for better or worse.
Any belief is, effectively, a story you tell yourself. And one that you can rewrite to your liking — even if it’s scary to learn, practice, and implement. This blog will share the six beliefs you’re allowed to change that I’ve covered on the podcast so far this season. (It’s by no means an exhaustive list).
Belief 1: Quitting is Bad
“A quitter never wins, and a winner never quits.” — Vince Lombardi
This mindset runs rampant but it’s totally backwards. A winner knows when to quit. Winners quit all the time.
What’s important is knowing when to quit (or take a break) and when to keep going. Sometimes our brains tell us to quit because we’re scared, and sometimes our brains tell us to keep going for the sake of not being a quitter.
Some things we quit in a way that makes the system, our friends, and our brains FREAK OUT, like quitting a job without another job, quitting a project or goal that no longer makes sense or feels good, cutting off family members, changing our gender presentation, breaking up with diet culture, choosing to stop being a people pleaser…
Part of my job as a coach is to know when to coach people to stay the course (ie, they’re scared and sabotaging something they really do want) and when to coach people that they CAN decide to stop doing something (ie, they are just continuing for the sake of not quitting, but they’re not happy at all).
Take a look at the last few things you quit, and evaluate WHEN and WHY you quit them. If there’s a pattern, you can decide to make a plan for that obstacle during future problems so you don’t quit — but if you quit because those things were just not right for you, it’s 100% okay to be okay with that.
Belief 2: Perfection is Achievable
We believe that perfection is not only achievable, but the ideal. We must strive for perfection for our own self growth!
What results from this belief is burnout from trying to be and do everything that is expected of us. We fall for marketing ploys that tell us we’re not good enough (skin isn’t smooth enough, hair isn’t bouncy enough, windows aren’t clean enough, kids aren’t enriched enough…) and believe terrible things about ourselves when we can’t keep it all together.
First, the marketing side of things. All these products that exist so you can be perfect are just marketing that allow billionaires and billion dollar industries to profit off your doubts and fears and insecurities. It is an act of resistance to be your amazing self regardless of what other people think is normal or appropriate.
And from a self-talk perspective: Your best is going to look different every single day, and YOUR best does not mean being THE best in the entire world. Perfection isn’t the goal — thriving in a content life is the goal. At least for me. But I invite you to shift this belief for yourself too.
Belief 3: We Should Be Productivity Hacking
In our hustle obsessed culture, we are always on the lookout for life hacks. We look for hacks that allow us to do more in less time, like checking email in line at the store, listening to educational podcasts during yoga, and fitting chores into our routine in new and efficient ways.
Sometimes those of us with neurodivergencies like ADHD and autistic neurotypes can benefit from these hacks. For instance, if I’m cooking something that needs to simmer on the stove, I do kitchen chores so I don’t get distracted and walk away. (Ask me how many times I’ve boiled the kettle dry). This helps me stay on top of household chores and also prevents me from burning things. Win-win.
However, society’s obsession with hustle and fitting more into less time isn’t always healthy.
Our goal should really be to fit less into more time. We need more rest. More breaks. More time to simply exist without needing to cram stuff into every waking moment.
Simone Seol, an incredible life coach, recently shared a reframe that hit me so hard: Rest isn’t necessarily supposed to feel good. It feels good after, but during the rest, we have all these thoughts that pop up about how we should be filling the time instead. And she’s totally right. I’ve had to do a lot of work to feel okay resting — and it’s still an ongoing practice.
If taking time off sounds like something that makes you want to barf, you need more rest.
And when you DO learn to take things off your plate and reduce your workload in order to recover from burnout, that is NOT an invitation to put more stuff back onto the plate! Allow your life to spread out and take up more space, with more time between for balance.
Belief 4: Our Day Job is the Most Important Thing About Us
When asked “What do you do,” we answer with our day jobs, which puts the way we make money front and center to our identities.
We have a belief that our job is what we do. When asked “What do you do?” we say “I’m an accountant, I’m a marketer, I’m a technician…” and then if pressed we’ll also add “And I make music on the side, I’m also writing a cyberpunk RPG, I do amateur archiving and make hand-bound books.” Those things are so much more interesting!
You are a human BEING, not a human DOING. What makes you who you are? What if instead you introduced yourself with your passion? How would your confidence change?
I am lucky enough to have my day job also be my awesome, passionate thing — helping creatives bring their passions alive on their terms — but for those of you who consider your passion a side hustle, what would happen if you led with your passion instead?
Next time you’re introducing yourself, lead with the fun part and see how it feels!
Belief 5: We Should Be Silent to Make Room for Marginalized Voices
So many of the people I work with are doing the work of unlearning their biases, acknowledging their privilege, and advocating for intersectionality and equality. But that doesn’t mean that you have to silence yourself for the sake of uplifting system-impacted voices. You can do both.
The belief here is that staying small and not speaking up means that other people who deserve their voices heard will have more space. So we stay quiet and don’t shout our brilliance from the rooftops.
In reality, there’s enough space for everyone as long as we are being intersectional and not talking over people.
So yes, know when to use your privilege to open doors and give a seat at the table to someone who normally doesn’t get to talk. But ALSO, you doing your own work, being your own best self, and sharing your own experiences and inspiration with the world is important too.
Belief 6: We Must Earn Rest and Fun
Does this sound familiar? You won’t sit down to take a break until you’ve hit some level of productivity first. We believe that we need to be productive BEFORE we rest or have fun.
What results is that we stay “on” all the time and never feel like it’s enough to deserve that rest, relaxation, and fun.
What if you deserve rest and play, even when you haven’t been productive? What if productivity is not the currency you pay in exchange for the rest you need? What would life look like with rest as the priority?
We aren’t machines! And if we were, we’d have necessary downtime to ensure that we can keep working at optimal levels. Stop running your fuel tank and battery level down to zero and rest already.
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