Letting go of what no longer serves you

It should come as a surprise to no one that I’ve used moving out of my marital home and into my own apartment as another period of decluttering and transition. This time, I am really getting down to business. I’ve sold off items I wasn’t using, given things away entirely, and focused on creating a space filled with things that bring me joy. I haven’t gone full KonMari on my belongings, but I’ve gotten pretty close.

Some of the hardest things to let go of were the symbols of the happily-ever-after that I left behind. At the end of July, I had listed several things for sale on Facebook Marketplace. I was having trouble selling my collection of baby items and ended up just giving them away. I gave away a ring sling, cloth diapers, leg warmers, a tote full of clothes and bibs, baby and children’s books, and a $400 organic crib mattress with organic cotton sheets.

Even bringing the baby stuff with me when I moved out was a hard choice. Do I bring this broken dream with me? What else would I do with it? I worked out with my ex that he would donate the crib and changing table to a local women’s organization. But the other stuff, the stuff I had been collecting and purchasing for years, it was hard to let go of those things.

But once I decided to just give them away, I felt a weight off my shoulders. I could breathe. I could let go of what I had wanted in the past and am no longer encumbered by anything tethering me to the dream of having children with my ex husband. To be perfectly honest, I am relieved we had such trouble conceiving. I can’t imagine having to trade off on weekends with him for the next eighteen years. For every month I spent throwing test after negative test into the bathroom trash can after applying ten different photo filters to see the faintest hint of a line, I am grateful now.

Long story short, I have a baby in my five year plan now. I’m focusing on paying off my student loan in under three years, taking a kickass vacation to Europe for my sister’s 30th birthday, and then looking into sperm donation by the time I’m 35.

But back to the real purpose of this blog post, which is to say that it’s okay to change your mind. It’s okay to stop holding onto things that once held importance to you. Even the things that are scary to admit no longer hold value.

It might be a friendship or relationship, or a family heirloom, or a pair of jeans that are seriously blown out in the thighs that you haven’t let yourself trash yet (just throw them away!).

In a moment of decluttering serendipity, I found a bottle of “abundance spray” in my toiletries that is supposed to help you bring prosperity and let go of the things that no longer serve you. I wandered through the apartment and spritzed it in every room, then I walked around tossing stuff in a trash bag for the thrift store. If it’s not serving me, why am I giving it my space and energy? Goodbye, tee shirt. Goodbye, hat. Goodbye, books. Goodbye, jeans with the blown out thighs.