Hannah is an eight year old girl with ARFID - Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder - who shares her recovery journey on her YouTube channel Life with ARFID (MyArfidLife on Instagram). Hannah is extremely brave and self-aware. She tries a new food every day and gives it three bites before giving her final review of the food, and her feedback about what she likes or doesn't like is exquisitely detailed. She has a very discerning palate, which is part of the problem of her eating disorder.
ARFID is more than picky eating. It can cause extreme fear and anxiety around food, often from worrying that the food will cause an allergic reaction, choking, or throwing up. (I can absolutely understand that - if I threw up every time I tried a new food, I would not want to try new foods). And when it's this difficult to eat enough nutritious food... health concerns obviously follow.
Hannah started therapy with an ED specialist after her growth stopped following its normal curve and started to drop off, at which point her mom knew this wasn't just picky eating. Hannah had a serious problem with her nutrition. Hannah is malnourished because she cannot eat food without an extreme reaction from her brain and body telling her that the food is dangerous.
Would you be able to eat if you truly believed each bite could be poison?
The reason I'm writing about ARFID and Hannah today is because I spent about an hour watching her Reels on Instagram this morning and each time, someone (multiple someones) in the comments would post something absolutely heinous and cruel. Hannah's account is managed by her mother, so I have to believe that this little girl isn't seeing any of the horrible things strangers are saying about her. In my extremely brief foray into the sample size of the comments section, I have identified four major themes around people's harassment of an innocent eight year old.
Assigning morality to food
The most frequent type of comment I noticed was assigning morality to Hannah's food choices. "Why does she only eat junk food?" "It's a cookie, of course she'll like that!" "Why isn't she eating any vegetables?"
Hannah regularly tries fruits, veggies, meatballs, etc. But despite the fact that the account regularly educates on why people with ARFID tend to have safe foods that are processed, people are ready to just shame her for eating a cookie on camera and assuming that is all she eats ever.
What is a safe food?
A "safe food," in eating disorder terms and among the neurodivergent community (autism especially), is a food that is consistently edible. It is the thing you could stock up on in a bunker and never tire of, even if you had to eat it every day for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, sometimes a safe food CAN lose safe food status, if for some reason the recipe changes, the texture is off, or you just suddenly don't like it anymore. This is a huge deal for someone with ARFID or autism because... fuck, dude, I had something really nice that I could eat and make sure I don't die, and now it feels like trash in my mouth. THAT SUCKS. Can we empathize for a moment and see how that sucks? It sucks.
What is a hyperfixation food?
Those of us with ADHD may find that our delightful brain chemistry has attached itself to a food only to unceremoniously decide that food now SUCKS, and we get no warning. Here are some examples of what that horrible moment looks like:
Elyse Myers on TikTok singing the soundtrack of the hyperfixation meal.
MommaCusses on TikTok eats a consistently exciting food only to find that the dopamine has worn off.
Tarah and Barry on TikTok capture the exact moment a hyperfixation has left the building.
Why are processed foods "safer"?
Go get a package of blueberries from the store. I will wait. Once you have the blueberries, eat them all. One at a time. Rank each one on its sweetness, tartness, firmness, juiciness. It should not take you more than a handful of berries to realize each one is a little different from the others. For someone who has sensory issues around food, this is a risky food. Maybe you love firm and tart blueberries, but a mushy one will make you gag and spit it out. The inconsistency is the risk, not the blueberry itself.
Now, do the same thing with a box of crackers. Eat ten crackers in a row and determine if any of them are saltier, crispier, butterier, or in any way at all different from each other. No? Then you can understand why crackers, granola bars, cookies, etc. would be safer for someone with sensory issues, including ARFID.
Aren’t some foods actually higher quality though? Can’t we say that?
The problem with assigning morality to food is that it also shames the eater for not eating that "better" food. The underlying judgment is that if they "just ate better," their problems would go away or be more manageable. And it's not that simple.
Instead of "junk food" and food that is "good for you," there are so many other ways for us to conceptualize the fuel for our bodies and brains.
Seeing this TikTok from MommaCusses healed something inside me. She describes food as "body foods" - foods that help fuel a growing, working, healthy human body (like fruits, veggies, protein, complex carbs, whole grains) - and "brain foods" - foods that feel delightful to our brains and give us a boost even if they are not the healthiest most nutritious thing. This approach is SO HEALING and shame-free.
"The trick," she says, "is finding foods that are both. Like grapes! Excellent source of nutrition, vitamins, all sorts of things that our body needs, like sugars (YES YOUR BODY NEEDS SUGAR). Unless you hate grapes, or are allergic to them, it's really good for your body. And it's sweet and has a very satisfying crunch that I like, which means it's good for my brain."
I dove into the comments on that video and found more amazing tips for reorienting the way you think about, and therefore talk about, food.
User Rose Megan says, "We do always food, sometimes food, and never good. Never food falls under non-food, rotten, allergen, or alcohol/caffeine."
User Amanda Blount says, "We do play food and work food. Play food is delicious and fun, no morals, but we need work food to do the heavy lifting of growing our body."
User Jeanne Towns says, "I had a friend describe calories as 'energy points' and at 48, it finally made more sense. I tell my kids that we need to eat the best energy points, and sometimes our bodies do need cookie or ice cream or chip energy points."
In reply to Jeanne, user Jessica Rios says, "All food has energy. Some have only energy and some have energy and building blocks for our bodies."
The fact that Hannah's mom encourages Hannah to try new foods, including fresh fruits and veggies, prepared foods like meatballs and macaroni and cheese, etc. is a testament to the fact that she is encouraging her child to build a healthy relationship with food. As Hannah becomes more confident in trying new foods, the number of fresh foods she can tolerate will increase, which will lead to more robust meals that incorporate plenty of nutrition without making her want to barf. Which is pretty fucking important, much more so than force feeding her the food pyramid.
Minimizing the struggle of ARFID
When I was a kid who didn't want to eat things, I learned about the "starving children in Africa." While there are absolutely starving children (and adults) in Africa (and all over the globe), this does nothing to negate the fact that an eating disorder is an eating disorder. I don't even know what to say to this one... more than one thing can be true at once. More than one person, community, country can be suffering at once. It is not only the single most oppressed person on the planet who deserves to share and be witnessed in their struggle. Again, empathy would go a long way here.
It smacks of criticizing "first world problems" and "white whines" and perpetuates the idea that anyone with a modicum of privilege has no right to complain or struggle in any area of their life.
What if we lived in a world where anyone could share their struggle and their coping strategies without needing to justify their existence to you in particular, Kevin?
Having someone like Hannah share the process of the recovery journey from malnourishment to having a varied range of nutrition is BEAUTIFUL. Amid the harassing commentary are comments from people in their 20s, 30s, 40s, or older sharing that seeing Hannah try new foods has helped them learn to try new things too. Her three bite rule has helped people. When she shares about new methods she learns in therapy she helps people.
Being an example of what is possible should be protected and celebrated. Hannah is doing an amazing thing.
Therapies for ARFID and ED recovery
Hannah is seeing a therapist and frequently shares techniques she learns with her followers. One is that she often draws "Mr. Arfid" - an angry-looking character - and then crumples up the paper and throws it away before trying her new foods. Another is making a half smile after letting her face stay in a neutral position for a while to relax, and then the smile tricks Mr. Brain into thinking she is happy about trying the new food, which reduces her anxiety.
In one of her videos, the caption wrote that she got through eating three bites of pie because her parents were eating it too, so she knew it wouldn't hurt her. These are important coping mechanisms that she's building at a young age, which will grow with her as she recovers from ARFID and eventually can eat "more things she wants to eat," as she says. She WANTS to eat. She is not having a good time with ARFID. But it's a medical condition, so it's going to take time.
Isn’t it just picky eating?
This spectrum of comments ranges from "Why do we have to label everything? She's just a picky eater, you don't have to pretend she has a medical issue" to "Just send her to bed without dinner and she'll learn to eat."
ARFID, or any eating disorder, cannot be shrunk down to "just picky eating." There is a nervous system response in Hannah's body when faced with an unfamiliar food. It's literally wired in her body as a potential danger or threat, and her obvious anxiety is so far beyond any "picky eating" I have ever witnessed. (Of course, the people who accuse her of being "just picky" also think that her mother is coddling her by not starving her on purpose to prove a point).
Fed is best
As with the formula vs. breastmilk debate... at the end of the day, Hannah just needs enough calories to live. With such a struggle to try new foods or enjoy foods with variable tastes and textures, having consistent safe foods - even "junk foods" - is better than going hungry.
I am five years in recovery from orthorexia, an eating disorder with an obsession around food purity. As I watch Hannah and learn about her struggles with ARFID, I see a lot of similarities in our disorders. The first time I did a Whole30, I learned a technique that would help my ED gain the upper hand in the "fed is best" fight for many years. It's called the "Steamed Fish and Broccoli Test," and it's pretty self-explanatory... if you aren't hungry enough to eat a meal of plain steamed fish and broccoli, then you aren't hungry.
Carl loved it. (Carl is my ED). Because there are very few times when, even RAVENOUS, a meal of steamed fish and broccoli with no seasonings sounds like a great time. I like to enjoy food. At least put some lemon pepper on it or something. If I was actually starving, sure, I guess, pass me the fish. But that test taught me to ignore my actual hunger signals, choosing to go hungry because I couldn't bring myself to eat the baby carrots I packed for lunch. If I wasn't hungry enough for baby carrot, I was not hungry enough to eat anything else either.
An important fact: I DO NOT LIKE RAW CARROT. WHY WAS I TRYING TO MAKE MYSELF EAT THEM? Because of assigning morality to food and ascribing to such black and white beliefs about its inherent purity or cleanliness. I wouldn't eat anything GMO. I wouldn't eat dairy, gluten, seed oils, sugar. I tried to do the keto diet while vegan. I did do the Whole30 while vegan. For a few months I also cut out nightshades. You name it, I've restricted it. And I get shit in my comments too when I talk about having an ED, because you're not allowed to talk about your food struggles if you're fat.
The way we treat children with eating disorders either creates adults with eating disorders or adults with coping skills. I'm glad Hannah's mom chose coping skills.
Threats of violence
The final category of comments I saw under Hannah's videos can only be described as violence. "Try batteries." "Try fentanyl." "Try meth next."
I hope you lose access to the Internet and that everyone you love finds your comment and blocks you forever.
ARFID is a Disability
Living in "the future" has its ups and downs. The cost of living is torturous compared to stagnating wages. We are gaslit every day by a government who wants to disenfranchise its voters rather than represent them. But one thing that absolutely slaps is that we have more language to explain, therapies to manage, and compassion for disabled people, including neurodivergence and eating disorders.
Eating disorders are absolutely disabilities. In one video, Hannah describes the things she's missing out on in life due to her malnutrition and low energy. She can't do after-school activities or sports because her body doesn't have enough food to account for those activities. She's extremely tired and has trouble falling asleep at night, so she has to take lots of naps. She is cold all the time. Her immune system is weak so she gets sick more than other kids.
Someone in the comments said "That's because you don't eat," as if this was breaking news. Hannah's mom acknowledges that she is malnourished. Hannah has doctors. They're aware, dude. Since starting her ARFID journey, Hannah has tried 65 new foods, adding five of them to her safe foods list. The people who hop into the comments to bully her apparently can't take the time to learn about ARFID first, view her pinned and highlighted posts about her progress, or bother to empathize at all with another human being.
Thus, this blog. Hope you learned something. Love you, bye.